How Anxiety Affects The Body

I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). It's a hereditary disorder and runs ramped in my family with men and women alike. It's a disorder of compulsive, overwhelming, and sometimes paralyzing worry.

How many times have we said to someone "don't worry" or "let go, and let God". Good advice, but for someone with GAD worry is very hard, if not impossible to control.

This disorder colors every aspect of my life. It's embarrassing. It makes it hard to meet new people, as I know they will eventually find out about my GAD and I wonder if they will accept me or reject me. I wonder if, while I'm in the throws of an attack, they will be understanding or irritated.

An Average Day

The day starts slowly, as any other. I hit the snooze button way too many times, and finally pull myself out of bed. I gather up my shoes and coat and take the dog out into the yard. As she sniffs around, grunts and whines, I sit on the stoop and light a cigarette.

The anxiety starts immediately. It begins slowly and revs up to roaring speed like a fast moving train. First are the racing thoughts.

My head fills with thoughts of everything going on in my life. I mean everything seems to be invading my mind at once. My thoughts spin faster and faster, into a frenzy. They move very quickly, bouncing really, from my job transfer, to my financial worries, to trying to find a rental in the new town.

I am a christian woman. I pray. I pray for serenity and peace. I give my troubles to God. I talk to him and tell him all my concerns. I say to him "God you know all the contents of my heart. Please help me find peace today."

As the cigarette burns low, warming the fingers that hold it, I crush it out and call for my sweet dog. The thoughts swirl and speed up as I come back into the house and peel off my jacket.

As I head for the bath, I frantically look for where I've hidden my stereo. Music will distract me and help me feel a little more calm, but I can't find it so I move on.

The racing thoughts I can deal with. I breath and pray and I know as I get to work there will be no room for the racing thoughts, only the task at hand.

My anxiety can at times become unbearable though.. torturous. It grows from racing thoughts to a racing pulse. My heart beats like I'm running a marathon. My breaths get shorter and faster, and I feel as though I've taken speed or drank a thousand cups of coffee. I can't catch my breath. I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins.

I've even stopped in the middle of my day and gone to the office, where I can be by myself. I laid down on the floor to breath and try to calm myself.

Along with my GAD I have irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). These are two disorders that are inexplicably linked and a mortifying combination.

First the racing thoughts, my anxiety rises, my heart rate skyrockets, and then my stomach jumps in the game. It swirls and stabs at me. It shows it's anger at the clothes I've chosen, searing me with pain anywhere there is tightness in my midsection and finally it sends me racing to bathroom.

The racing heartbeat can be so terribly uncomfortable. It feels as if you've lost control of your body. It's the kind of feeling you get in your chest after you've been in a serious car accident. I've been in two serious accidents and the feeling is exactly the same. It's nearly unbearable, and frustrating as it can be set off by everything or nothing.

My stomach's role in the anxiety game is by far the worst part though. I have found myself trapped in public restrooms for hours, while friends or family have waited on me.

I once had an attack after lunch with my boss. I had to force her to pull over at a gas station. It was the kind of station with no attendants where you can't get into the restroom without using your CFN card.

So, I ran through the parking lot and begged a patron to let me in. I was in there for something like 40 minutes in agony as my boss waited outside. When I finally emerged I felt as though I'd been beaten severely about the abdomen and couldn't bring myself to button my pants. I made the mistake of wearing tight jeans that day.

As we drove back to work, my pants undone, I tried to explain to her what IBS was and how painful attacks could be. That was one of the most painful I've ever had. She replied, "well, you better find a way to button those pants."

My stomach starts swirling, I get hot and severely uncomfortable. Then it really hits me... I have to go now! It's an urgency that has caused me to play chicken across four lanes of traffic in search of a business that would let me use their restroom. The longer it takes for me to sit down and get relief, the more excruciating it becomes.

The IBS is the truly mortifying part of my disorder. I have ran into the woods on several occasions. I have chased away a date because of my frequent trips to the restroom. I've had to stop in mid-transaction and run to the restroom at work. Try explaining that one!

This is the part of the disorder as it also threatens to rob me of living my life. I worry and it upsets my stomach. Sometimes I worry that my stomach will get upset, so in turn it cuts loose my anxiety and the entire cycle begins.

The anxiety ebbs and flows through out my life. When it peaks, I want to hide inside my house and never leave. When I do go anywhere, I make a mental map of where all the easily accessible restrooms lie.

McDonald's is always a good choice. You can run right into thier restroom without question. Gas stations are hit and miss. Some offer no "public" restrooms, some you must ask the attendant for the key then go back outside and around the building to find the powder room.

Driving through an area where there are no business, no rest areas, and no trees near the road nearly pushes my anxiety to the edge.

Still I go on. I fight. I take Klonopin when things get really bad, or I just can't handle the racing thoughts for one more moment without losing my mind.

I want to truly live! I won't let GAD or IBS control my life.

Here are some ways, other than pills, that I lower my anxiety levels and make my life better...

-Pray and give my troubles to God.

-Take time to relax. As a hard working single Mom it's a strong temptation to go-go-go all the time. I could run myself ragged everyday from sun up to sun down.. working, chasing kids, cleaning the house, organizing the garage, etc. I have to take time to relax, or the anxiety gets the best of me.

-Talk to my friends and family about anything that's troubling me.

-See a therapist when I can afford it.

-Listen to my intuition. This is a big one because when I ignore my intuition things get really bad. That date I mentioned... It was really a blessing that he left, as I later found out he is one scary, screwed up & violent man.

-Evaluate my life. A bad relationship will send my anxiety levels through the roof, so I try to be aware of whats happening in all aspects of my life.

-Try not to take on too much all at once.

-Slow down. Talk slower, move slower and breathe.

-Pay bills on a regular schedule. This reduces worrying about late or unpaid bills.

-Plan ahead. For instance, with my job transfer and move. I'm looking for a rental already, even though I won't be moving for another month. If I leave things to the last minute, it's never good.

-Journal. When I write, it takes the racing thoughts out of my head and puts them onto a page. And finally...

-Surrender. Remind myself that sometimes the anxiety gets me for no reason at all. I have to forgive myself and relax, because worrying about my anxiety only creates more anxiety.

I wish you the best of luck if you are dealing with this kind of disorder. It's frustrating, embarrassing, uncomfortable, and limiting all at once. I hope your life is filled with sympathetic friends and family, and you find tools to ease your frantic worries.

Here are some helpful links to understand these disorders;

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/generalized-anxiety-disorder/DS00502

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/irritable-bowel-syndrome/DS00106

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx24.htm

http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/ibs_ez/